The MSTs of Rae and Infinity

MST: Legolas' shadow

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 18:17:39 GMT

Here be Part II of the MSTing of the Badfic Legolas' shadow.

[Back in the darkened theater, Raelia, Infinity and Mithirandir are waiting for the fic to begin.]

Rae: Well, here we are, back to endure another round of idiocy.

Infinity: [sarcastic] Oh, joy.

DISCLAIMER: I DONN'T OWN L.O.T.R.

Rae: [writer] In the following fanfic, only the lame bits are mine.

**************

Rae: [writer] Oh yeah, and watch out for the falling asterisks.

CHAPTER 2.

Infinity: … in Which the Mindless Drivel Continues.

Legolas blinked. He wasn't too sure that he heard right

Rae: Maybe he was going deaf.

but he was pretty sure that he heard the mysterious lady say that she was his shadow.

Rae: Brilliant deduction, Sherlock!

Legolas who was now getting annoyed by this lady demanded what she had meant.

Infinity: Wow, he’s finally decided on an intelligent course of action.

The lady smiled and closed her long dark eyelashes. Then she opened them again and looked at Legolas straight in the eye.

Infinity: She seems to do that rather a lot.

Then she spoke,

" I meant what I have said, I am your shadow," the mysterious lady said, almost in a whisper.

Rae: [Legolas] Well, gosh, thanks for explaining. I understand perfectly now.

Legolas started to get angry with the girl. Being the heir to the throne and also a spoiled child, he asked her once again what she had meant.

Rae: [Legolas] Maybe if I repeat the question she will morph into someone who can speak intelligently.

The lady then spoke out again and told him everything.

" Legolas I am your shadow. I am you. You are I. We are one. Do you understand?" the lady called Salogel asked Legolas.

Infinity: Alas, no such luck.

Legolas looked at her in fury. Never in his life did anyone dare say that to him.

Rae: Say what? That she’s his shadow?

Infinity: Somehow that doesn’t seem particularly surprising.

" I don't believe you, " He said promptly to the lady.

Infinity: [Salogel] Why not? Everything I said makes such perfect sense.

" Tell me something that I only know and I shall believe you" Legolas said.

Rae: [Salogel] Well, I know you wear Batman underwear.

The lady sighed once more before she spoke,

" When you were 61 years of age, you had a crush on a servant who worked in the palace.

Rae: [startled] He’s over 61? And here I am thinking that we were dealing with Whiny!Two-year-old!Legolas.

Infinity: She did just call him “child”, didn’t she?

When you where were about 1000 years of age, you fell off a tree and got a cut but you did not tell your father nor anyone else."

Rae: [Legolas] *gasp* That was my most carefully-guarded secret!

Legolas eyes widened. This girl seemed to know a lot about him.

Rae: She’s got ESP!

The things that the lady had said were secrets that Legolas kept to himself and never dared to tell anyone and there was no way that this lady could have known.. unless she was with him from the first time he fell into this world.

Infinity: “Fell into this world”?

Rae: Like a ‘Sue, you mean?

Legolas stared at lady Salogel.

Infinity: Again.

He had the strangest feeling that she was telling the truth but what bothered was why she appeared now and not earlier.

Infinity: That’s all?

" Why did you show yourself to me today?" he asked lady Salogel.

Rae: [Salogel] I was bored.

The mysterious lady smiled at him and spoke,

" For we are being judged,"

Rae: [Legolas] Oh. Makes perfect sense.

" I do not know of what you speak of"

Rae: [Salogel; impatient] Gosh! Do I have to spell everything out for you?!

" Of course you don't but now you do"

Rae: [Legolas; snaps fingers] Hey, I get it! ... Just kidding. I still have no clue what you’re talking about.

" What are you doing here?"

Rae: [Salogel] Talking to you.

Infinity: [Salogel] Being ‘Sueish.

Rae: [Salogel] Driving the readers to insanity.

Infinity: [Salogel] And other ‘Suish things like that.

" Legolas, we are one and our time of being judged is coming near. You have to change your ways if you want to pass.

Infinity: Pass what?

Rae: The SAT?

Infinity: The bar exam?

Rae: The test of Canon Compliance?

Infinity: I doubt she’d be able to help him much there.

Rae: Good point.

Be more helpful to other people and stop acting like a spoiled brat."

Rae: [Salogel] In other words, don’t act like me and you should be fine.

Legolas pouted at what the lady had said to him. Then a question came into his head that he wanted to ask.

Rae: So he asked it.

Infinity: There was much rejoicing.

" Why you? Why are you my shadow? Why not a man?" Legolas asked lady Salogel.

Rae: [Salogel; whining] You’re so sexist!

Salogel smiled at Legolas and replied.

Rae: [Salogel] Because you’re hot and you need a love interest.

Infinity: [Salogel] Because the writer said so, that’s why!

" It is the balance of nature. You must have the opposite sex as your shadow. In other words, a woman would have a man and a man would have a woman. Do you understand Legolas?"

Rae: [Legolas] Not really, but it makes about as much sense as everything else in this fic.

Legolas understood what she had meant. His only problem was trying to believe it.

Infinity: He was a skeptic by nature.

Then he asked her another question,

" Why did you not come out when there was light?"

Infinity: That’s a pretty lame question.

Rae: This is a pretty lame Legolas.

Salogel sighed.

Infinity: Again.

" Legolas, I am your shadow.

Infinity: [Legolas] Yes. I think we’ve been over this already.

When there is light, I follow you everywhere. Only at night can I got around places on my own free will and appear to you."

Both: …

Infinity: The only question now is how a shadow can do anything of its own free will.

Legolas just stared at her as if she was nuts.

Infinity: Which she probably was.

Rae: But then, Legolas wasn’t all that sane himself.

Then he asked her,

" What do you want me to do?"

Rae: [Salogel; sighs] Shall we go over this again?

Infinity: Apparently this Legolas is rather slow as well.

The lady Salogel smiled.

Rae: Evilly.

Infinity: And then she laughed.

Rae: Evilly.

[pause]

Rae: Is that it? Is that the end?

Infinity: It appears to be so.

Rae: Well, thank Eru the last chapter was this short!

[Mithirandir stretches and growls; the Sporkers get up]

Rae: Well, that was fun… sort of.

Infinity: Good. There are several other badfics by the same ficcer we’ll have to tackle at some point.

Rae: [sarcastic] I’m looking forward to it.

MST: Legolas' shadow

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 22:23:12 GMT

The first chapter has been thoroughly sporked.

Legolas meets a very mysterious girl in the woods who claims to be his shadow. Legolas thinks that she's rather weird and doesn't believe her but notices that she knows things that only he knew. then he realises that he loves the girl but can he love his

Infinity: His what?

Rae: His shadow, perhaps?

Infinity: I don’t see how. That wouldn’t make much sense.

Rae: Since when does Badfic make any sense?

[Disclaimer: “Legolas’ shadow” belongs to ashes of angels and can be found here.]

[Raelia and Infinity are sitting in the movie theater once again. This time they are joined by a young mini-Balrog.]

Rae: [waves] Hello! I’m Rae, and my two companions are Infinity and Mithirandir the mini-Balrog, whom we recently adopted from Miss Cam.

Mithirandir: [growls]

Rae: This is our second MST, and we are taking on another fanfic by the repeat offender “ashes of angels”.

[Raelia grimaces as she pronounces the fanwriter’s ridiculous name.]

Rae: We hope you enjoy the show!

Infinity: [muttering] Since we’re sure not to.

[The lights dim and the fic starts playing.]

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN L.O.T.R.

Infinity: Nice to know she’s figured that out, at any rate.

****************************

Rae: Watch out; falling asterisks!

REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!!

Rae: [writer] Maybe if I put more exclamation points, I’ll get more reviews.

****************************

Infinity: I think this writer is rather fond of asterisks.

Rae: She has turned asterisk-rows into an art form. [pause] A really boring art form.

CHAPTER 1.

Rae: [writer] … in which the first chapter is told.

Legolas walked around the wood searching for his bow.

Rae: How in Arda did he manage to lose it?

Infinity: And how does he expect to find it by wandering randomly around the forest?

Rae: Maybe it’s a really small forest.

He had accidentlly left it there when his father called for him and now he wanted it back. It was aslo his best bow.

Infinity: He named his bow “aslo”?

Rae: Apparently capitalization is the enemy of this writer.

Infinity: Not to mention bogus Elvish.

The day turned to night

Rae: As days are wont to do.

and the night breeze started to get cold but Legolas refused to go home. He wanted to get his bow back and what he wants, he gets.

Rae: Because if he doesn’t he will throw a tantrum.

Legolas stepped on a broken stick

Infinity: … and cut his foot open.

Rae: [Legolas] Owww!

and saw a dark figure. It was someone behind the tree, who was holding his BOW.

Rae: Gasp of horror!

" My bow!" Legolas yelled out and started to run to the figure.

Rae: [Legolas] Give bow! Give!

Infinity: Why has this writer decided to replace Legolas with a five-year-old?

The figure turned round and looked at Legolas.

Rae: He screamed like a little girl.

Legolas stopped at the figure a few feeet away.

Rae: Did that sentence make any sense at all?

Infinity: No.

Rae: [relieved] Oh, good. I thought for a minute there that I was going insane. Or maybe dyslexic.

He looked at the figure and noticed that he couldn't tell if it was a he or a she for the person was covered in the dark.

Infinity: He only just noticed that?

Rae: Apparently Five-year-old!Legolas is rather slow on the uptake.

Then something hit Legolas.

Rae: [Legolas] Oww!

Infinity: [writer] It was a low-flying swallow.

// why does that person have myBOW?!?!?!?//

Infinity: Hmm. What reason could a person possibly have to be holding a bow that was left lying randomly in the middle of a forest?

Rae: But it was his bow! Obviously anyone should be able to tell that just by looking at it!

" Why do you have my bow!" Legolas yelled at the figure.

Rae: [figure] Bow? What bow? [hastily hides bow] I have no bow!

He didn't really know why he was angry at that person

Infinity: Nor did the readers.

but he knew that it had something to do with his bow.

Infinity: [monotone] What brilliance.

The figure stepped out of the dark and took a step towards Legolas.

Rae: … who screamed like a little girl.

Infinity: Again.

Legolas now saw the person clearly and noticed that is was a very young lady.

Rae: Maybe about 2 years old.

To his suprise,

Rae: … she was hideously ugly.

he noticed that she was very beautiful.

Infinity: … or not.

Rae: [gripes] Ugly would have been more interesting!

The lady had long black hair and dark blue eyes. She also had a very pale skin colour.

Rae: It’s Snow White!

Legolas saw that she was very white but noticed that she had the most darkest blue eyes and black hair that he had ever seen.

Infinity; She also used the most bestest grammar he had ever heard.

Legolas stared at the lady. He didn't know what to say.

Rae: Well, “hello” is always a good place to start.

The lady walked up to Legolas and handed him his bow.

Rae: [lady] Don’t litter.

Legolas took it without a word. Still looking at the mysterious lady.

Infinity: … as the writer dropped sentence fragments in her wake.

Rae: [writer] Oops. Tee hee.

He couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked with the moon's light shinning half on her face leaving the rest of her face in the dark.

Infinity: Um, maybe it’s just me but that sounds more freaky than beautiful.

Legolas somehow manage to find his voice

Rae: It was hiding behind the toaster!

back and spoke.

He wanted to ask the mysterious lady who she was

Rae: That would seem to be the logical place to start.

Infinity: Unfortunately, most Mary-Sues don’t care much for logic.

but he somehow ended up saying,

" WHERE DID YOU GET MY BOW?!?!?!"

Infinity: [lady] In the forest, where you left it.

Rae: [lady] Duh.

The lady only stared back at Legolas with a blank face.

Infinity: The overload of punctuation had momentarily stunned her.

She blinked and looked down. Then after a moment, she looked up again and looked at Legolas straight in the eye.

Rae: [lady] Staring contest!

For some reason,

Rae: [writer] … that will not be related here…

Infinity: [writer] … because I could not think of one.

Legolas felt a chill running down his spine and felt rather nervous.

Infinity: Because as we all know, ladies randomly wandering around the woods are very scary.

He knew what he said but he didn't mean to say that. He couldn't believe that he spoke like that to the mysterious woman.

Rae: Perhaps he was hallucinating.

Infinity: It must have been those funny mushrooms he had eaten the other day.

Then he heard he speak, he noticed that the mysterious lady had a musicial tune when she spoke.

Infinity: Apparently they’re in the opera now.

" I found it"

Rae: [Legolas] My dear, you have such a way of stating the obvious.

" Oh"

Infinity: [lady] My dear, you have such a way of stating nothing at all.

Legolas looked at the girl and said,

Rae: [Legolas] Go away.

Infinity: [Legolas] You trespasser.

" Um, i'm sorry for acting mean"

Rae [lady] I’m sorry for acting like a moron.

" That's okey"

Infinity: No, it’s okey-dokey!

" What's your name?"

" Salogel"

Rae: [gags] That’s supposed to be a name?

" Huh?"

Infinity: That was more or less my reaction.

Legolas looked at the girl. Huh? was she playing tricks with him? He knew that the name sounded rather weird but what bothered him was that it was his name spelt backwords!

Rae: [slaps forhead] No. No. No.

Was this mysterious lady who's name is Salogel playing tricks with him?

" What are you doing here?" Legolas demanded.

Rae: [Salogel] Walking. Is that a crime?

Salogel sighed and smiled.

Rae: Evilly.

" Spoiled brat"

"What?!"

Both: …

Salogel looked up at Legolas and moved away from the dark so that Legolas could see her clearly now.

Rae: And he saw that she was really ugly.

With her soft voice, she said again,

" I said that you were a spoiled brat"

Rae: Well, I won’t deny that’s true of this particular OoC!Legolas.

Infinity: Of course, that’s her fault to begin with.

Legolas was getting angry. No one ever dared to say that to him. They all knew what would happen

Rae: They would be fed to the giant spiders.

but this girl didn't even seem to care.

Infinity: She was immune to spider-bites.

// doesn't she realise that i can send her to jail? //

Both: …

Rae: Jail?

Infinity: Honestly.

Letting his anger get the better of him, Legolas looked at the mysterious lady and shouted at her,

Rae: [Legolas] You meanie!

" HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT?!"

Infinity: It is painful to see Legolas this out of character.

Rae: [nods] This fic is even worse than The quest has only begun.

" I can speak to you any way i wish"

Rae: Because I’m just as spoiled as you are. Nyah nyah.

This just made Legolas even angerier.

Rae: [Legolas] I’m going to give you a Time-Out!

He really felt like punching this girl.

Rae: But he was too much of a sissy to do it.

Then he thought twice. After all, he was the prince of Mirkwood and he had to be nice.

Rae: So he would whine instead.

Legolas started to take in a few deep breaths and manage to control his temper.

Rae: Good boy. Have a cookie.

He asked Salogel gently a question.

Infinity: [Legolas] Why do you screw with the canon so?

" Who are you miss?"

Rae: [Salogel; creepy voice] Your worst nightmare.

" I am your shadow"

Rae: [dramatic] Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuunnnnnn!!

Infinity: Oh, look. The chapter’s over.

Rae: Finally. How many more are there?

Infinity: Just one, thank Eru.

Rae: [sigh] Well, let’s take a break before tackling the rest, okay?

Infinity: [shrugs] Sure.

The second chapter is now up, and can be found here.

R&∞

MST: The quest has only begun

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 17:50:56 GMT

It's our first MST!

What if Sauron had a daughter. What if she was as bad as he was. What if the ring wasn't destroyed. What if the daughter wanted to follow under her father's footsteps. What if she want's to kill the fellowship. What if the fellowship has to destroy the ri

Raelia: What if this writer couldn't punctuate.

Infinity: What if we made sure this fic was thoroughly mocked.

[Note: The fic herein mocked can be found here. No Mary-Sues were harmed in the making of this MST. That's for the PPC to take care of.]

[The scene is a movie theater. In the front row are seated a two girls, one with a long, dark red hair and green eyes, and the other a smaller Asian one wearing rectangular glasses.]

Red-haired girl: Hi. I’m Rae, and this is Infinity, and we’re here because Alania has dragged us into this theater in order to be subjected to horrendous Badfic-related torture.

Infinity: In other words, were here to do an MST.

Rae: Of something that was dredged up from bottom of the Pit of Voles.

Infinity: [muttering] Eru knows why anyone bothered to dredge it up…

Rae: [cheerily] No matter; let’s get this party started!

[the lights dim, and the fic starts rolling]

The quest has only begun

Infinity: Just like this fic.

Rae: Let’s hope it ends soon.

by ashes of angels

Rae: [looks around anxiously] Who’s burning angels?!

DISCLAMIER: I DON'T OWN L.O.T.R

Infinity: [muttering] Thank Eru she doesn’t.

************************

Rae: [Writer] I do own this row of asterisks.

AURTHOR'S NOTE:

Infinity: [curious] Who’s Aurthor?

Rae: Maybe he’s a friend of the ‘Sue.

I KNOW THAT IT WAS ONLY FRODO, SAM AND GOLLUM AT MOUNT DOOM WHEN THE RING WAS DESTROYED BUT I'M GOING TO PUT THE FELLOWSHIP IN IT TOO. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW SO THAT YOU WON'T GET CONFUSED.

Infinity: Ah. Of course. Because randomly teleporting the Fellowship to Mount Doom when they’re not even supposed to be inside Mordor isn’t confusing at all.

***********

Rae: [Writer] This row of asterisks is mine too!

Naurako watched quietly as the fellowship entered Mount Doom.

Rae: Did I miss something? Who the heck is Naurako?

Infinity: Apparently, someone who was watching quietly as the fellowship entered Mount Doom.

Rae: An orc, maybe?

She watched as the fellowship and the little creature named Gollum fighting over the ring.

Rae: [Naurako] Ten bucks on Gollum to win.

She watched silently, making sure that no one saw her or even heard her.

Rae: …because they might recognize her from the PPC’s Wanted posters.

Nauraku kept her eyes focus on the ring.

Rae: Whoa, I’m lost. Who’s this Nauraku person?

Infinity: [shrugs] Naurako’s twin, maybe?

That was the only thing that she wanted.

Infinity: Yeah, right. Just wait until she gets a good look at Legolas, and then we’ll see how quickly she forgets about the ring!

Not even blinking an eyelid, Naurako stared hard at the ring.

Rae: She was trying to use the Force to draw it toward her.

All her life, she wanted the ring and now, she was really close to it. All she had to do was to kill the fellowship and the ring would be hers.

Infinity: [sarcastically] Oh, is that all?

Unknown to everyone, her father, Sauron had a daughter, named Naurako.

Infinity: Are you sure her name wasn’t Nauraku?

Rae: Or Aurthor?

Naurako was half elf for her mother had been an elf too.

Infinity: Right. Because we all know just how often Elves fall in love with giant flaming eyeballs.

No one really knew why Sauron was evil but Naurako knew. It was because of the death of her mother, Glowien had her father been evil.

Both: “Glowien”?

Unknown to Middle earth,

Rae: … not that anyone in Middle-earth particularly cared.

Glowien was killed by some humans.

Rae: [human1] Hey, look! It’s an Elf!

Infinity: [human2] Let’s kill it for no reason!

Rae: [human1] Ha! Ha!

This made her father, Sauron angry and he vowed that he would destroy all the lands of middle earth but his plan had failed.

Rae: Sucks to be you, Sauron.

In the end, he too was killed by a mortal man.

Rae: …

Infinity: What?

Naurako watched her father's death at the edge of a rock and vowed that she would avenge her father.

Rae: Still waiting for an explanation here.

Infinity: Sauron can’t be destroyed until the Ring is gone! That was supposed to be the whole point!

She would follow in his footsteps and she would destroy everything in her path.

Rae: Like a bulldozer.

After the death of Naurako's parents, Naurako closed her heart. She became heatless with each day passing by and became as cold as ice.

Rae: …and died of hypothermia. The end.

Naurako had planned on killing everyone, she hated everyone, and for she had blamed all the people around her if a problem would occur.

Rae: [Naurako] Life sucks. People suck. [pause] Except me.

Rejected by the elves,

Infinity: [muttering] I wonder why…

Naurako lived by herself alone in the dark woods that shall remain nameless.

Rae: …because no one knew what they were called.

Infinity: [Writer] …because I’m too lazy to think of a name for them.

After hearing that the fellowship and reached Mount Doom,

Infinity: Um… from whom, exactly?

Rae: Gollum?

Naurako followed them night after day and so forth

Rae: …and so on…

Infinity: …et cetera, et cetera, et cetera…

making sure that she was not seen by them.

Infinity: Um, if she wants the Ring so badly, why doesn’t she just take it now? What exactly does she think she’s going to gain by waiting until the last possible moment?

Rae: An artificial sense of drama?

Standing by the rough edges of Mount Doom, Naurako waited. She waited for her chance to try and steal the ring but the chance did not come.

Rae: [Naurako] Nuts. Well, I guess it’s back to moaning in miserable solitude for me.

Instead, the creature named Gollum fell into the volcano bringing the ring down with him.

Rae: [Naurako] Drat! I’m going to kill Gollum! [pause] Except that he’s already dead.

Naurako cursed mentally to herself for not getting the ring sooner.

Rae: [Naurako] Bad self! No ice cream for you tonight!

The ring was gone and Naurako could not avenge her father and mother.

Infinity: But she could still angst.

Rae: She was good at that.

Instead, she had kept her eyes at where the ring and the creature had fallen.

Rae: …hoping that she could use the Force to lift them out of the lava.

She then looked up and noticed the fellowship.

Rae: [Naurako] Oh. Where did you all come from?

Naurako looked at each of them carefully, studying their face.

Rae: …trying to figure out which was the hawtest.

Then the elf with blond hair looked up.

Rae: What did I tell you?

Infinity: Truly, your gift of foresight is amazing.

He had sensed someone watching him

Infinity: …with his Teh Awesome Elven Senses…

but could not see anyone.

Rae: …because he was blind.

All he saw was lava in the volcano and clouds of ashes surrounding them.

Infinity: What about the rest of the Fellowship?

Rae: [shrugs] They fell through a plothole?

Because of the dust that was created, Legolas could not see very well but something in his heart told him that there was still evil roaming about.

Rae: [evil] Hello, Legolas. Don’t mind me; I’m just roaming about.

Then Aragorn spoke,

Rae: He’s back!

" The ring has been destroyed"

Infinity: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

with that, Aragorn let out a smile and a huge sigh.

Infinity: [Aragorn] Well, here we are in the middle of a barren wasteland that is quickly being filled with lava. I’ve never felt so happy!

Frodo sighed for he could not believe that the ring was now destroyed. For many nights had he dreamt about destroying the ring and now it was done.

Infinity: If only the ‘Sue had gone with it.

He did not know if he should be happy or not about the ring being destroyed

Infinity: Um, it was a menace to all of Middle-earth. What’s not to be happy about?

but one thing was sure,

Rae: …there would always be another Mary-Sue.

the burden of the ring that was brought upon him was finally taken away and he was glad about it.

Infinity: Nice to know you’ve finally made up your mind.

The weight that was on his shoulders and been taken away.

Rae: That was because he’d dumped all of his supplies onto Sam.

The four hobbits looked around the volcano, neither one of them speaking,

Infinity: So now four hobbits have suddenly morphed into two.

they still could not believe that the ring was finally destroyed.

Rae: They were a skeptical lot, those hobbits.

After a few moments of silence, Gandalf the White spoke,

Infinity: As opposed to whom? Gandalf the Magenta?

" Hurry, we must bring forth the news about the ring to Rivendell. We must go now."

Rae: [Gandalf] There are Mary-Sues in the area. It is not wise to linger.

Pippen sighed.

Infinity: Who’s Pippen?

Rae: A Mini-Balrog.

It had been a long day and now Gandalf wanted to go back to Rivendell.

Rae: [Pippen; whining] First we had to walk all the way to the Fiery Mountain, and now we have to go back too?

Pippin wanted to protest but found out that he was too wary and tired to do so.

Infinity: Wary of what?

Rae: ‘Sues, perhaps? Or maybe he’s still talking about Gandalf.

The fellowship on the other hand, too did look rather shocked for it was always Pippin who had complained about these things.

Infinity: They all secretly hated him.

Rae: Gimli had tried to throw him into the Cracks of Doom when Gandalf wasn’t looking.

Naurako watched as the fellowship left mount doom and headed back for Rivendell.

Infinity: She spends a lot of time watching them do things.

Rae: Stalker!

Naurako did not have the will to follow them. Instead she looked down at the volcano not really believing that the ring was destroyed.

Infinity: She’s as skeptical as those hobbits.

"I have failed you father..mother," Naurako thought to herself.

Infinity: So now she’s calling herself “father” and “mother”?

Rae: It would appear so.

Infinity: The girl as some self-identity issues.

She hated the thought that she could have attacked the fellowship anytime she wanted and get the ring out of their grasps but instead, she had waited.

Rae: …for the opportune moment.

Infinity: Except that there was no opportune moment.

Rae: So much for that plan.

She had waited too long for the ring that it was now out of her reach. She could not get the ring back and she could not do what her father had intended her to do so.

Infinity: So what?

Dusts and ashes filled the air, making it very hard to breathe but Naurako could not have cared less.

Infinity: Apparently now she has a suicide wish.

The only thing that had kept her going was gone. And now, with the ring gone, Naurako did not know what to do.

Infinity: Mope. Moan. Angst.

Rae: Track down Legolas and snog him.

Her main plan had been to get the ring back, kill the fellowship and to destroy the lands of middle earth but her plan was now gone and had vanished.

Infinity: …and disappeared, and departed, and evaporated…

Naurako stared down at the dark red lava as if she was waiting for an answer from an unknown force telling her what to do

Rae: I told you! She does have the power of the Force!

but no such thing happened.

Infinity: …or not.

With the rays of light of the sun slowly starting to fade away and the cold night sky taking over, Naurako looked once at the lava for the last time hoping that some miracle would happen.

Rae: If you’re looking for Miracle Max, you’re in the wrong book.

Time flew by and Naurako knew that it was time to go, looking around the place for the last time, Naurako turned on her heel and headed for the only way out of Mount Doom.

Rae: Unfortunately, the exit had been caved in by the lava and she burned to death. The end.

Then she heard it. She had heard a voice calling her name, telling her to come back.

Rae: [voice] I am the Spirit of Christmas Past.

The voice sounded faint and a little harsh but Naurako followed the voice without hesitation.

Infinity: She’s a pretty trusting person, apparently.

Rae: Not exactly what you’d expect from the daughter of Sauron, but hey…

She found herself right in the centre of Mount Doom itself again and waited to hear the voice.

Rae: …

Infinity: How is it that she is in the center of an erupting volcano, and yet lives?

Rae: She’s a ‘Sue. ‘Nuff said.

As if the voice knew that Naurako was waiting for it, the voice spoke again.

Rae: It was psychic!

" Naurako my child"

" Father?"

Infinity: [Naurako] I thought you were dead.

Rae: [Sauron] Of course not. I’m only mostly dead.

" Naurako my child"

Rae: [Sauron] Maybe if I repeat myself, she’ll answer more intelligently.

" Father, is that really you?"

Infinity: [Sauron; sarcastic] No. It’s your uncle.

" Yes"

" Father..."

Rae: Can we get to the point already?

" Naurako, I want you to kill the fellowship and destroy middle earth"

Infinity: [Naurako] Oh sure, Dad. No problem.

Rae: [Sauron] And feed the cat while you’re at it.

" But how father for the ring has been destroyed?"

Rae: [Sauron] Obviously it can’t have been, or I wouldn’t be here talking to you.

Naurako heard a ghostly laughter that sent chills down her spine.

Rae: [Sauron] Bwahahahaha.

Then she heard her father's voice once more.

" The ring has not been destroyed"

Rae: Gasp of shock!

Naurako stood in awe.

The ring wasn't destroyed.

Infinity: Haven’t we been over this already?

" But how father for I have seen it with my own eyes that the ring itself fell into the lava. How could it not be destroyed?"

Rae: [Sauron] Plothole, my daughter. Plothole. You will soon learn to know them well.

Then Naurako heard her father chuckle lightly.

Infinity: Sauron chuckling. That’s something I’d like to hear.

Rae: [Sauron] Heh heh heh heh.

" It is because of you"

Rae: [Naurako] Well, that makes perfect sense. Thanks for explaining, Dad.

" It is because of I? How father for I do not understand of what you say?"

Infinity: [Naurako] … because I do not speak English fluently.

Rae: Or whatever language they’re speaking at the moment.

" I put you're spirit in the ring. It will only die if you die"

Infinity: Tricky. I guess we’ll have to call in the PPC on this one.

" My spirit father?"

Rae: What the heck is a “spirit father”?

Infinity: Sauron. He’s a spirit (or Maia), and he’s her father.

Rae: Ah. [pause] That still doesn’t make much sense.

" Yes, your spirit and mine is in the ring but since I am dead, it is living off from you. Do you understand Naurako?"

" I understand father"

Infinity: [Naurako] All except the part about how you’re talking to me when you’re supposed to be dead.

Rae: Mostly dead. He’s slightly alive.

" Good, now I want you to follow the fellowship and kill then when they have told Elrond that they have destroyed the ring"

" Father, why must I wait so long?"

Rae: [Sauron] To give the PPC time to catch up to you—err, I mean, so that you have time to look at the scenery?

" To see the humiliation on the faces of the fellowship when they have realised that the ring was not destroyed."

Rae: [Sauron] And to ogle Legolas some more while you’re at it.

Naurako's face lit up into a smile,

Rae [Naurako] Mmmm. Legolas.

" Father, you are so smart"

Infinity: [Naurako] Much smarter than I am.

Rae: [Naurako] But then, that would apply to just about anyone.

" Now do what I have told you Naurako"

" Do not worry father, I will do as you bid and I will make sure that I do not fail."

Rae: [Naurako] … to fulfill my dream of snogging Legolas.

" That's my daughter"

Rae: [Sauron] Sniff. I’m so proud.

With that, the voice of Sauron had disappeared and from the centre of the lava, a shinny object came floating out and floated towards Naurako.

Rae: [Naurako] Ooh… shiny…

Infinity: Or shinny.

Rae: Whatever.

Naurako then realised that the object was the ring and she held out her hand as the ring finally dropped itself on her cold palm as her long slender fingers covered the ring.

Rae: [Naurako] My… preciousssssss…

" Father, I will not fail you" Naurako thought as she finally walked out of Mount Doom for the last time.

Infinity: …because moments later, she fell into a stream of lava and burned up. The end.

It had been six months since the ring was destroyed and the fellowship had finally reached Rviendell.

Infinity: Where’s Rviendell?

Rae: Maybe it’s the home of Aurthor and Pippen.

Infinity: And Nauraku?

With all the excitement in their hearts, they could not bring themselves to rest or sleep.

Rae: Also all the coffee they had just drunk might have had something to do with it.

They came straight to Lord Elrond to tell him about the great news.

Rae: [Fellowship] Gimli’s finally found a girlfriend!

" So, the ring has been destroyed."

Rae: [Fellowship] Oh yeah, and that too.

The fellowship nodded their head in agreement.

Infinity: They only have one head amongst the nine of them?

Rae: Sounds gruesome.

" Then let us rejoice, tomorrow we shall have a ball that will be held in your honour."

Infinity: Um… a ball?

Rae: Sounds like something out of a Harry Potter fan fic.

The fellowship smiled.

Rae: Naurako was finally dead.

" Come, you must rest now"

Infinity: … or not.

Rae: Nuts.

With that, the fellowship went to their rooms to rest. It had been a long day and they had spent most of their time walking. Resting for the time being was a good idea to them.

Rae: They needed to keep their strength up, for soon the ‘Sue would arrive.

Legolas who was still awake walked out of his room and headed for the out doors or a bit of fresh air.

Rae: …because you don’t get much of that in Rivendell.

Infinity: Or Rviendell.

As he went outside, he heard several laughter and followed them to see Aragorn and Gimli chatting quietly to each other.

Rae: [Gimli] I think Sam has a crush on Galadriel.

Infinity: [Aragorn] Tee hee.

Aragorn who was the first to notice Legolas' existence offered him to sit beside him.

Infinity: [Aragorn] Why hello, Legolas! I had no idea you existed until two seconds ago!

Legolas nodded his head slightly and sat between Aragorn and Gimli.

Rae: [Legolas] That’s all right. I know I’m not very interesting.

Infinity: [Legolas] Except to the ‘Sues.

Aragorn spoke,

" The ring has been destroyed then.

Infinity: I think we’ve been over this already. Several times.

I have never felt to happy and relieved."

" Aye" came the response of his dear friend Gimli.

Rae: [Gimli] Arr, matey! Yo yo ho and a bottle of rum!

Gimli then took out a pipe and started to smoke.

" So, master elf, why do you look so troubled?" Gimli asked Legolas.

Infinity: [Legolas] I’m inhaling your secondhand smoke. I’m going to get lung cancer!

Legolas let out a sigh,

" My dear friend, for the past few nights I have been up all night worrying and thinking that the evil of the ring is not yet gone. I worry with my heart that there is still something out there that is after us"

Rae: [Legolas] It is the worst of all evils… [dramatic pause] a Mary-Sue.

" Nonsense Legolas, relax and enjoy, the ring is gone. What evil could fall upon us now?"

Infinity: Cue entrance of Naurako.

Legolas closed his eyes and spoke gently, almost in a whisper.

Rae: Or not.

Infinity: It would be if this Writer had any sense of dramatic irony.

" The evil that hunts us is more dangerous and more deadly, the fear in my heart tells me that this quest is still not over and has only begun."

Infinity: Fortunately, this story is almost over.

Gimli laughed out loud. As for Aragorn, he looked thoughtful.

Rae: [Aragorn; thinking] How can I make the ‘Sue go for Legolas instead of me?

Smoking on his pipe, Gimli replied,

" You worry too much master elf"

Rae: [Gimli] Smoking is good for your health! You should try it!

A/N: I deleted this story but I'm going to put it up again.

Rae: Why?

Infinity: [Writer] I’m just a sadist.

And I'm also trying hard not to make this a Mary Sue fic

Infinity: Too late.

Rae: Way too late.

but I'm pretty sure that it would turn out to be one in the end.

Rae: Well, she’s hit the nail on the head with that one.

p.s. I'm also trying to make my writing a lot better and I also changed the name Finderella since most of you didn't like the name.

Rae: [gags] And I thought Naurako was bad!

Oh, well, I guess not all fics are perfect.

Infinity: Unfortunately, a high percentage is exactly the opposite.

[the fic ends; the lights come back on]

Rae: Well, thank Eru she only posted one chapter.

Infinity: To be fair, the spelling was okay, most of the time.

Rae: I think the spell-checker gets most of the credit for that, though.

Infinity: True.

Rae: So it’s over? The Writer never updated?

Infinity: No; this was put up in 2003, and it’s the last thing she ever posted.

Rae: … but she wrote some stuff before this?

Infinity: [sighs] I’m sorry to say it, but yes. Including four other Mary-Sue fics.

Rae: Kill me now.

Infinity: Don’t worry. We’ll have a nice long break before we tackle the rest. Maybe some other MSTers or PPC agents will be kind enough to handle some of them.

Rae: Whatever. If you need me, I’ll be in the hidden stash of Bleeprin.

.